There truly is a crisis in most modern western cultures. Currently, if you asked those that support the #metoo campaign, it’s that sexual violence and misconduct against women (and children) is rampant and horrifyingly damaging. However, the reality is that, from a social viewpoint, people just need to not take sex crimes so seriously.
So where am I coming from? I want to point out that I do not think they should be ignored or acceptable. I believe sex crimes should be seen similarly to physical crimes. Violations against another person’s body. However, overreacting to… well anything can have serious social implications.
Humans are social animals, most people know this. We can be socialized to believe many things, to feel a certain way about something, to desire various objects etc. Psychologists (unethically) instilled a fear of small furry objects into a little boy that remained as the boy grew into a man. The mind is strong but the mind is malleable. It is important to note that females, in general, are more susceptible to social influence, males not as much. Though both are susceptible.
Humans are resilient. Everyone suffers and almost everyone overcomes suffering. Humans have remarkable resilience, both physical and mental resilience. Mental and physical resilience are malleable though. I will focus on mental. First, obviously, the more suffering the more a person’s mental resilience will weaken. Second, socialization. As I noted above, a young boy had a fear of furry objects instilled in him. Let’s fast forward 20 years. A man wearing fuzzy gloves punches him in the face. Now, for most of us, the fuzzy gloves would mean little, for this man though, with his instilled fear of fuzzy objects, this attack would be worse and reinforce his irrational fear. If he was attacked with bare hands he would likely suffer less psychologically.
Most modern western cultures instill an extreme fear of sexual assault which at first was only instilled in females but has been increasingly instilled in males. What this does is vastly increase harm from actual sex crimes as well as creates harm where none would exist. Things as minor as unwanted boob grabs cause extreme stress and even sexual encounters that were reluctantly taken part in suddenly become harmful and damaging weeks or even years later.
“”That’s when I just pushed the door open and freaked out”… …it took her a few moments to realize the extent of what had happened”
So what happened to her? Some guy patted her butt a few times without permission. This is not something to freak out over, this is not something worthy of saying “realizing the extent”. Someone made physical contact with a bunch of fat and skin covered by clothing. The only rational response is, “don’t touch me there again” or “stay away from me” or something to that effect. If such an action freaks you out then you have been socialized poorly. Socialized into a weakened state. There is nothing objectively terrible about that situation. It is bad, yes, it is disrespectful, yes, but it also isn’t a big deal.
I’ve had guys grab my penis in clubs. I laughed, I thought it was funny, I did not consent, I am not a homosexual, but what is the big deal objectively? I told the guy “relax, don’t grab my dick” and chuckled to myself and he drunkingly complimented me and I told him I don’t swing that way then he left me alone. Nothing of note really happened. Continued pestering would increase how “bad” the situation was and if it bordered on harassment it would be worse, but again this is something that would ruin one’s night or weekend, not years of their life. Nuance has been lost.
Strong women do not break because something sexual happened to them that was uncomfortable or unwanted. However, modern cultures seem to push the narrative that strong women are perpetual victims. That strong women aren’t emotionally strong enough or mentally sound enough to make their own decisions regarding sex and having sex in exchange for something be it a role in a movie, money or power. I reject the narrative of modern cultures because I know women (and men) can be strong.
Notice how I wrote, “and men”. Why? Men are now being socialized into perpetual victim-hood as well. Into a mindset where specific kinds of violations are seen as substantially worse. Terry Cruz recently showed this. A huge, strong black male broken because some guy grabbed his penis without permission then later apologized. None of this makes any objective sense. Humans, the same humans that have survived concentration camps, the worst of weather conditions, chattel slavery, starvation, horrid disease, etc. etc. are broken because someone grabbed their penis one time without permission through clothing.
We have created a culture of brittle humans. This is not natural.
When I was a child, my aunt forcefully put lotion all over my penis, and I am very sure it was because she wanted to jerk me off for a few moments. I had a rash on my thighs from the beach. I told her and she said “oh I will put lotion on it”. I said “no it’s okay it’s in my underwear I’ll do it”. She said “don’t be silly I am your aunt!” She pulled my pants down and rubbed it on the affected area but also all over my penis while pulling a few times. “There you go cutie” she said, gave me a kiss, and left. My rash felt much better and I thought to myself “huh I guess she wanted to touch my penis” and I went about my entire life not caring. I am still very close to that aunt.
Sure, she may have gotten a little wet from jerking my penis, but why the hell should I have cared beyond “she should respect my wishes and not touch me when I don’t want her to and where I don’t want her to”? As an experiment I posted this story on various forums and websites years ago. Overwhelmingly I was told I was abused and should see a therapist and that I had rationalized that it wasn’t harmful. That the harm was locked away inside me.
Do you see what people do? Children naturally aren’t bothered too much when something that isn’t painful is done against their will. It is wrong, it shouldn’t happen, but it isn’t the end of the world. Oh but you say this is because I am male! Wrong.
My cousin had an issue with an older boy sliding his hand in her pants and sliding his finger between her labia when she was about 11, he was 13. She didn’t want him to do it, told him off but he did it again then she slapped him. This got them in trouble and eventually he was suspended when the full story came out. She went to see a therapist. I remember her complaining to me that it wasn’t a big deal, she just didn’t want him to do it. She liked another boy. She said the therapist kept insisting they had to work through her trauma, yet she felt fine because it had stopped.
What the boy did was wrong, he needed to stop and be dealt with, but she was fine, nothing serious happened. Her brain naturally didn’t care. However, our culture insists we must all care and care so strongly that we break the minds of people for the sake of this moral system we have built up. Humans do not naturally find sexual crimes as worse than any other violation. We have socialized this attitude and we foster it. It grows and festers and we are stuck with a broken culture.
Sex crimes need to be taken less seriously socially. There is absolutely no reason a person should feel more harmed by a sexual assault than a physical assault. I firmly believe we need to change this attitude otherwise conflict between the genders and other problems with only get worse.
In my next blog I will post what I think the cause of all this is. I mostly blame men, conservatives and modern feminism.